How to Lose a Friend in 10 Seconds: A Cautionary Tale

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One sunny afternoon, Mark and I decided to meet at our favorite coffee shop. We hadn’t caught up in weeks, and I had a lot to tell him. I was excited, buzzing with news. As I sat down, I immediately launched into my life updates, pausing only to sip my coffee. Mark, on the other hand, seemed a bit distracted, fiddling with his phone.

“So, anyway,” I continued, “I just signed up for this new yoga class, right? It’s all about deep breathing and...”

Mark cut me off, not even looking up. “Hold on, I just got a text from Julie about our trip to the beach this weekend.”

I paused, slightly offended. “Okay, but this is important! I’m literally learning to breathe better, and—”

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a sec. This is, like, urgent stuff. You know Julie, she’s always sending me memes about seagulls wearing sunglasses. Hilarious.”

I blinked. “I’m talking about my yoga journey, and you’re more interested in seagull memes?”

He finally looked at me, a big grin on his face. “Come on, man, it’s funny! You’ve got to see this one. It’s a seagull in a Hawaiian shirt. Classic!”

I stared at him, completely dumbfounded. My heart sank. There it was—the moment. The exact moment I knew. The second when my friend had just slipped away, and I wasn’t even sure how to get him back.

“So, you’re not even going to ask how the yoga class went?” I asked, feeling the weight of my words.

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Yoga, huh? Isn’t that just, like, sitting around and stretching while pretending you’re a tree?”

I took a deep breath. “I’ve known you for ten years, and this is how it ends?”

Mark smiled sheepishly. “Look, I’m still your friend. I just really want to show you this meme first.”

And with that, I had learned how to lose a friend in exactly 10 seconds.

The end. Or rather, the beginning of a very lonely cup of coffee.

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